Sunday, April 21, 2013

Missing You

 I know that this isn't related to Breast Cancer, but I felt a need to share.  There are and unfortunately will be many that can understand, empathize and share in this post.  Everyone is welcomed and encouraged to share their own thoughts, feelings to this post.  We each grieve and mourn in our own way, but we are not alone in this.  We don't have to be.  All you need to do is just reach a little further and there is someone there for you. 

I awoke this morning and realized that today is the day of the birth of my dearly departed mother.  She was born on this day of April 21st.  While lying in bed I realized that she would have been 72 years old today.  That just blew my mind.  She was taken from this earth twenty one years ago in the midst of a fight.  She struggled to stay as long as she could to see her upcoming grandchild’s birth but was unable to.  She sought out the permission of her children to let go and once it was given she relinquished unto to HIM.  It was with great pain, sadness and yes, anger that we said our goodbyes.  At the same time we knew she was no longer suffering, in pain or sad.
She watched us watch her go through a horrible ordeal.  In my mind, that was the most difficult thing for her to do.  There were so many things that she despised about her fight and what it did to our family and herself.  Yet, she held on for as long as she possibly could.  I know she was relieved when we/I told her it was okay to go.  Even though it wasn’t what I wanted, I knew it was what she wanted.  Death of a child is horrible for a parent to experience and she did experience that as well.  She lost three sons as a matter of fact.  But for us her surviving children- daughters, that was a horrible experience for us in our young lives. 
I miss her dearly and think of her often.  We talk daily and she continues to provide me that inner strength to move forward throughout all the setbacks, trails, and moments of unbearable pain.  Even in my current crisis, I ask her to guide me to help get me through it one day at a time.  I’m a fighter because of my life experiences and from observing my mother.  I’m stronger because of those very same reasons.  I’m determined to do and be better because of my experiences and hers.  I’m here because she didn’t give up and nor will I.
I’m taking today to pay tribute to my mother on the day of her birth.  I’m sad that she isn’t her to see her only granddaughter move ahead in this life but I’m pleased that she is free.  Free from pain, sadness, and misery. Happy Birthday Mommy! 
In the LORD's name I pray, Amen

I am My Sister's Keeper

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