Monday, June 11, 2012

My secret

This is just between you and I.  
I haven't shared it with anyone else and it's kind of like my dirty lil secret. 
I woke up in an awful mood and it has just progressed as the minutes ticked by.  It would be soooo easy, did I say easy to just throw my hands up, say the Hell with it and just quit. Fundraising has got to be the MOST taxing thing a person could have to do as a part of interacting with others.  I despise asking people for anything, especially money!!! GGGGrrrrrrr!!!
Yes I know it doesn't seem like it because I do it all the time.
I see so many people getting out there and making it happen, so that tells me it can be done.  I guess it has a lot to do the area and venues. 
I'm so happy for my PINK sisters out there getting what they need to get done for this fight.
So the secret part is - I'm not going to walk  in the 3 Day this year.   I'm crying as I actually type this.   
I know I can't believe it either and find it very difficult to acknowledge.  
I realized it to be real as there are 130 days prior to the walk and I only have $370 raised.  
Since I can't wait until after the walk to meet the goal, I can only bow out gracefully. 

What I have decided to do is to make all monies raised from this point forward to go towards the 2013 3 Day.  
If I start early enough for next year, I should be able to meet the goal and not have to endure what I'm feeling right now. 
The emotions that are flowing are of disappointment, shame and humility.  I feel as though all those people that are counting on me and supporting me, I've let them down.  Feeling like I haven't down enough to make it happen.  Yes, I know that's not the case, but it is how I feel.  
Walking for me is the culminating act of support on this journey, its the high, the candles on top of the cake.  
It shows the world that all I've been doing up to that point has been worth and towards something very important.  It gives me the opportunity to join my community family that are all fighting for, supporting and walking towards the same end goal.  
It gives a visual and voice to those that I honor, support and walk for. 
The feeling of camaraderie with other like minded individuals at the pit stops, camp and on the walk throughout the city.   Raising my sneakers up at closing ceremonies to share our support of those survivors in the circle. 
Shedding my tears at both opening and closing ceremonies as Dr. Phillips gets the crowd emotional as we all recall our purpose of making this journey.
Yes, I will miss it and October just won't be the same this year. 

I'm not giving up easily, I'll fight to make it until 10/1/12 and move on. 

I am My Sister's Keeper

1 comment:

  1. It's no longer a secret and unfortunately its true. I have a very heavy heart at this moment and time. I have changed my 3 Day page to reflect this recent turn of events and decided that I'm no longer going to ask for donations. So the public is free from that for 2012.
    Please remember to check your breast and schedule your mammograms and get your friends to join you.