Saturday, March 2, 2013

Dedicated to Myself

What is the saying about the best laid plans...
I guess at this point and time it applies right here and right now.  Phoof!
I had plans, big ones too and now they've gone straight out the window.   All it takes is a teeny little crack be it the door, the window or even the armor, that is all that is needed for destruction of ill will to seep in.
I think it is so strange that it comes from where you least expect even though that's where you should look first.  You would expect it to come from outsiders not those closet to you.  The appearance of being in your corner with support is such a great blow to your psyche.  it just makes you step back and look at both yourself and that individual(s) in a different light.  In your mind, the words are playing over and over "Did that really just happen?"  Unfortunately, the answer is yes it did and from that person, wow!  You wonder, did I miss something, where did that come from?
This is a month that I'm dedicating to looking within as I determine what are my actual priorities.  Being a mother, I think most of us would say our children.  Yet, I'm not sure if that is what I need to focus on right now.  So even though the pieces may be something you can relate to, I'm talking directly about me.
When do we take the time to focus on us?
Does that get put to the side because we decided to bring them into the world?
We spend so much of our time putting the children, the spouse, the job/career and yes, the Lord first, that we just seem to fade away.
This month is going to be about putting me first for the first time in a very long time.  When I take the time to think about I realize that it really has been too long since I've done that.  Now I'm at a point where I have to.  I always tell other women that we have to remember to take care of ourselves and yet, I haven't followed my own advice.
For far too long we think that we are invincible, we can manage, get through it or just hold out a little longer.  Well, there is a time that our bodies and minds tell us No, you can't.  As of this moment and time I have no choice but to listen to it.  It has been talking to me for a long time, and I've done my best to keep it at bay.  Now, that it is showing it's presence in rare form, I can't ignore it any longer. Often things manifest themselves in debilitating way that directly impacts our physical ability.
What does that mean for me? Well it seems that I'm susceptible to minor ailments in nature but the  impact that is larger than could have been anticipated. 
So, as I tend to my medical issues I have introverted to begin to heal from the inside out both mentally and physically.  Everything that I am begins inside and spreads outward to emanate out of the body.  If the body isn't healthy nothing that is produced will come to fruition it too will be ill unable to survive for any length of time.
I know that I have a mission, a purpose to serve and my intention is to do any and every thing to make sure that I'm well enough to do just that - serve.
It's not often that I can say that no one else is as important as I am, so it truly feels strange. So much so, that it's said in a inaudible whisper.
Shhh, no one can know is what my mind says, because putting myself first is an awkward and new practice for me. 
I guess I have to say it often so I can believe it myself. 
If I believe it I can and will achieve it!
So this journey continues even though the focus is redirected - just for a minute.
Stay with me, share your thoughts, comments the forum is open as I'm sharing a different side of me.

I am My Sister's Keeper,
I need to take care of me.

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