look behind the smiles

do you know a person that just seems happy all the time?  i mean no matter what is happening they are always smiling. that  can be  a clue that needs a closer look women we are often guilty of that.  we smile through it all.  from the good or bad, cute to ugly, through pain and comfort.  today is the day when i release the smile.  i love smiling although it can be overpowering. 
well, for the past few days i've just been feeling blah, our of sorts and discombobulated.  can't find an explanation to save my life (i think it's the hormones).  moody, not nasty but just dragging myself around.  in another place and time, i would hide it and put on my "best" face.  now, i'm just in a place where i don't care about hiding it from others.  you need to see that this woman is human, destructible, has feelings and goes through it - just like you. 
i have things that need to get done, so i do them.  i follow through with what i think i can accomplish and the rest just sit and sit, and sit until i get around to it.  i accept that i may never get around to it because i'll move on to something that i want to do.  i did something positive for me - put me first.  i mean really, why would i sit in a room of people that i have nothing in common with and engage when there is nothing of substance being discussed, i leave; why watch a program that doesn't interest me in any way, i leave; why ruin someone else's perfectly good time, i leave.  do you see the thread - i'm leaving all the blasted time!!!!  even writing it seems so ummm, selfish.  i'm not even sure that's the right word either - but if i were a psychologist, i'd say you're running.  in actuality, i'm not.  i'm making the choice to not be in a place or around others that i have no interest in.  
how many others feel like this but just sit, sit, and then grin 'n bear it?  why put yourself through that - for the sake of looking good, being seen and accepted.  being alone can be hard, but being lonely is even worse. 
be the best you that you can be if for no one else but yourself!  sometimes you have to be with yourself for a while, to allow yourself to grow, adapt and move forward.  don't get stuck in the rut of performing - it will only bring you down.  learning to be with you and enjoy you is something that many people don't know how to do nor do they want to. 
i'd rather be alone than lonely any day. 
i enjoy my own company.  From the grand or simple party i have with myself  right down to the moments of solitude and reflection. no one said everyday would be fun and sunny, but they sho ain't gray and rainy either.  
live life, make the best of it all! because tomorrow is not promised to any.  
i put this out there because so many of you reading it would be afraid to, afraid of being judged, looked down or sharing your private feelings in public.  I hope this helps you.
i am my sister's keeper